So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
