You just made me feel so damn special
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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