How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
