My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
