somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
