At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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