Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
