Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
