this beer tastes like vomit already
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You made out with two different species that night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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