Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
