just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
