Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
