Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
