I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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