Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
