I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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