She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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