I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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