can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was CRYING into my vagina
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
