I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
