what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
