I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
