M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
