"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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