your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
