So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Enjoy the penises
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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