Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
