walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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