Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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