I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
