She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
