Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
