Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
