WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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