I feel great
I just peed on a car
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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