i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This baby is an asshole
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
