I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
