We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
