So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
