u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My bed smells like the plague
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
