also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
