Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
