I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
