Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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