is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
