Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
