I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She needs sedatives and a leash
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
