It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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