i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
