the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
