She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
