Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
