so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
